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Second ProZ.com Translation Contest 2007

English to Italian


Finalists:4

Source text:

        The floor was of smooth, white stone; the chairs, high-backed, primitive structures, painted green: one or two heavy black ones lurking in the shade. In an arch under the dresser reposed a huge, liver-coloured bitch pointer, surrounded by a swarm of squealing puppies; and other dogs haunted other recesses.
        The apartment and furniture would have been nothing extraordinary as belonging to a homely, northern farmer, with a stubborn countenance, and stalwart limbs set out to advantage in knee-breeches and gaiters. Such an individual seated in his armchair, his mug of ale frothing on the round table before him, is to be seen in any circuit of five or six miles among these hills, if you go at the right time after dinner. But Mr. H forms a singular contrast to his abode and style of living. He is a dark-skinned gipsy in aspect, in dress and manners a gentleman: that is, as much a gentleman as many a country squire: rather slovenly, perhaps, yet not looking amiss with his negligence, because he has an erect and handsome figure; and rather morose. Possibly, some people might suspect him of a degree of underbred pride; I have a sympathetic chord within that tells me it is nothing of the sort: I know, by instinct, his reserve springs from an aversion to showy displays of feeling- to manifestations of mutual kindliness. He'll love and hate equally under cover, and esteem  it a species of impertinence to be loved or hated again. No, I'm running on too fast: I bestow my own  attributes over  liberally on him. Mr. H may have entirely dissimilar reasons for keeping his hand out of the way when he meets a would-be-acquaintance, to those which actuate me. Let me hope my constitution is almost peculiar: my dear mother used to say I should never have a comfortable home; and only last summer I proved myself perfectly unworthy of one.


Entry #612 - Points: 21 - WINNER!
Alessio Nunziato
Il pavimento era di pietra, bianco e liscio. Le sedie, dallo schienale alto e dall’aspetto primitivo, erano dipinte in verde; una o due, nere e massicce, stavano nascoste nell'ombra. In una nicchia ad arco sotto la credenza era accucciata un’enorme femmina di pointer dal pelo rosso scuro, circondata da un nugolo di cuccioli che guaivano, mentre altri cani se ne stavano in altri angoli nascosti della casa.
La stanza e l'arredamento non avrebbero avuto nulla di strano se fossero appartenuti Show full text

Annamaria Arlotta
"se fossero appartenuti" is not correct because they did belong. It is a certainty, not a possibility
Giuseppina Gatta, MA (Hons)
In this case it depends from the other sentence "non avrebbero avuto niente di strano se", so it seems perfectly correct to me.
Angie Garbarino
For me,here, it is correct because it refers to "non avrebbero avuto niente di strano se"
Angie Garbarino
I found this a very good translation, absolutely adherent and well done! Absolutely the best in this pair!
Emanuela Galdelli
"se fossero appartenuti" here is perfect and correct Italian grammar. Let's try to revise grammar before making comments on others' translations.
Emanuela Galdelli
Bravo Alessio, it's really the best one.
Alessio Nunziato
Many thanks Angio, Emanuela, Giuseppina and everyone who likes my translation, your feedback is highly appreciated :) unadiluna, I think adherence to the oiginal text is at least as important as the style used in the translation, especially in literary
Alessio Nunziato
translation. I didn't like some translations, because it was clear to any reader that they were translations and not original texts, this is often due to an obsession for adherence and a lack of indipendence from the source language.
Alessio Nunziato
I always try to create a new text and not a translated text. I hope I achieved this also in this contest. :)
Emanuela Galdelli
I agree with Alessio. Too much adherence means a translation "mot à mot".
Emanuela Galdelli
The grammar rule in this case is the 3rd type if-clause. So it's perfect.
Annamaria Arlotta
Are we speaking the same language? I am not sure anymore! "Se fossero appartenuti" would be logically followed by "ma invece, ma al contrario, ma diversamente da così..." Furthermore, in the last sentence, "and" becomes "but".
Annamaria Arlotta
Were it not for these details I would consider Alessio's translation excellent. As he himself says, adherence to the meaning is AS important as style
Annamaria Arlotta
The "complementi di specificazione" which follow the words "fattore del nord" make it even clearer that the house with its furniture etc. belongs to him and not to any farmer
ipili
I really like Alessio's translation, his writing style and translation technique. However I do agree with unadiluna's comments on 'se fossero appertenuti' because the sentence is linked with 'But Mr. H forms a singular contrast with.....
Angie Garbarino
Ok, let me say why according to me Alessio is right, The furniture and the house beong to Mr. H so;" non avrebbero avuto nulla di strano se fossero appartenuti a un semplice fattore ecc. ma siccome appartengono a Mr, H sono strani perché lui forma un
ipili
To me, it's saying something like '...non sembrerebbero nulla di strano, visto che appartengono a... Ma ill signor H è in singolare contrasto con la sua dimora e il suo stile di vita.
Angie Garbarino
contrasto con la sua casa ecc. ecc, P.S. I have rephrased the sentence, I know it is not very good but I think it explain what I mean
Angie Garbarino
I think Alessio meant what I indicated above
ipili
I see you point Angio. But I think it's more like 'non avrebbero avuto nulla di strano, visto che appartengono a uno come lui. Solo che lui è in constrasto con il suo stile di vita e la sua dimora'. Ovviamente, in parole molto povere...
ipili
sorry for the typographical errors...
Angie Garbarino
In parole molto povere"Non avrebbero avuto nulla di strano se fossero appartenuti a un fattore ecc. ma sicoome appartengono a Mr. H sono strane perché lui ha modi raffinati ecc.ecc.
Angie Garbarino
Once again I realize that our language not a easy language :=)
Angie Garbarino
Sorry I meant "Is not an easy language" please forgive me for typos
Entry #700 - Points: 12
Manuela Ferrari
Il pavimento era di pietra bianca e liscia; le sedie, semplici e dallo schienale alto, erano verniciate di verde, mentre una o due, nere e pesanti, erano in disparte nell’ombra. Una enorme cagna da ferma color rosso bruno, circondata da uno sciame di cuccioli uggiolanti, riposava in una nicchia sotto al tavolo da cucina, mentre altri cani occupavano altri recessi.
L’appartamento e i mobili non erano niente di straordinario per un semplice agricoltore del nord, con un’espressione testarda Show full text

Annamaria Arlotta
it could be a fairly nice translation, but the word "sciame" refers to insects, not to puppies, and spoils the general effect
Emanuela Galdelli
"sciame" could a "licenza poetica!. According to me, it's ok.
Entry #616 - Points: 5
Luisa Doplicher (X)
Il pavimento era di pietra bianca levigata; le sedie, strutture primitive dallo schienale alto, dipinte di verde; una o due nere e pesanti si annidavano nell’ombra. Nell’arco sotto la credenza riposava un’enorme cagna da ferma color marrone rossiccio, circondata da uno stuolo di cuccioli guaiolanti; altri cani si aggiravano negli angoli.
L’appartamento e il mobilio non avrebbero avuto niente di insolito se fossero appartenuti a un semplice contadino del nord, dall’espressione testarda Show full text

Annamaria Arlotta
I found "e considererà quasi un'impertinenza l'essere amati o odiati DI NUOVO" a bit akward
Emanuela Galdelli
di nuovo is ok. :)
Entry #682 - Points: 4
Annamaria Arlotta
Il pavimento era di pietra bianca levigata. Le sedie, di semplice fattura e dipinte di verde, avevano lo schienale alto e dritto; se ne intravedevano altre due, più massicce e nere, sbucare dall’ombra. Sotto l’arco disegnato dal cassettone era sdraiata un’enorme cagna di razza pointer color vinaccia attorniata da una frotta di cuccioli guaenti, e c’erano degli altri cani intenti a scovare delle rientranze adatte.
Non c’era niente di particolare, insomma, nella dimora e nel mobilio Show full text

Angie Garbarino
Birra is "spumeggiante" not "schiumeggiante"
Annamaria Arlotta
I mean...true
Feedback - Second ProZ.com Translation Contest 2007
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Manuela Ferrari
Complimenti ad Alessio per la bella traduzione (e anche agli altri traduttori per aver partecipato) e grazie a unadiluna per il commento: hai assolutamente ragione riguardo a "sciame"... silly mistake, sono scivolata sulla classica buccia di banana! :-)


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