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1st Annual ProZ.com Translation Contest: "Awakening" » French to English

Competition in this pair is now closed.

Source text in French

Lorsqu'on sent l'éveil tout proche, mais qu'on n'est pas “dedans”, on a envie d'y “entrer”. Et c'est justement cette envie qui nous maintient “au-dehors”, car elle souligne notre frontière avec ce Tout dans lequel on aimerait s’immerger. En fait, il faut ne pas vouloir y entrer. Il ne suffit pas de ne pas vouloir y entrer: il faut ne pas vouloir y entrer. La passivité ne mène à rien. Il faut être actif, mais une activité entièrement occupée par l’attente — plus encore, entièrement satisfaite par l’attente. Bien souvent, on sent monter en soi une vague dont on pense qu’elle pourrait nous propulser au-delà de soi. Et on se met en tâche de la renforcer. C’est là qu’on gâche tout. Comme si elle avait besoin de notre aide. Quelle arrogance. Et pourtant, elle a besoin de nous. De notre présence. Elle a besoin qu’on soit là, qu’on se tienne face à elle, qu’on croie suffisamment en soi et qu’on s’aime assez pour rester ainsi tout nu face à elle, sans rien lui apporter, que notre seule présence. Tout est là. On est encore face à “rien”, et à ce moment-là, ce qui est, au sens fort, c'est notre attente. Non pas son but, mais l’attente elle-même. Tout le reste, ce sont des projections du désir. De l’évanescent. Mais l’attente, elle, est réelle. Si on parvient à la laisser seule être, à prendre appui sur elle, et non pas sur l'objet qui la soulagerait, on prend appui sur la seule parcelle d'être qu’on a à sa disposition. Aussitôt qu’on le fait, qu'on pose le pied sur la réalité de cette attente, c’est comme si le fond de la conscience cédait, et nous faisait basculer dans l'Être.

The winning entry has been announced in this pair.

There were 32 entries submitted in this pair during the submission phase, 5 of which were selected by peers to advance to the finals round. The winning entry was determined based on finals round voting by peers.

Competition in this pair is now closed.


Entries (32 total; 5 finalists) Expand all entries

Entry #6976
Paul Hirsh
Paul Hirsh
Ֆրանսիա
Winner
Voting points1st2nd3rd
11324 x47 x23 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry2.772.87 (15 ratings)2.67 (12 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 2 users entered 3 "like" tags
  • 12 users agreed with "likes" (15 total agrees)
  • 3 users disagreed with "likes" (4 total disagrees)
-3
+6
2
enlightenment
Good term selection
Sheila Wilson
-1
+5
2
In fact, we should want not to enter. It is not enough not to want to enter: we should want not to enter.
Other
The positi​on of "not​" is cruci​al to the ​sense
Sheila Wilson
+4
1
actively engaged in waiting
Flows well
Kimberly De Haan
Entry #8041
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
5110 x41 x29 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.193.27 (11 ratings)3.11 (9 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 5 users entered 7 "like" tags
  • 8 users agreed with "likes" (14 total agrees)
  • 3 users disagreed with "likes" (3 total disagrees)
-1
+2
1
what separates us
Flows well
Sarah Cochran
+3
Whole
Good term selection
Sarah Cochran
+3
wholly absorbed in the waiting
Good term selection
Janet Cannon
-1
1
take foothold
Flows well
though I w​ould say "​take a foo​thold"
Kimberly De Haan
+1
take foothold on the reality
Good term selection
"take foot​hold" is a​n elegant ​phrase
RHELLER
-1
+4
2
precipitates us into Being
Flows well
A good sol​ution
Jennifer Forbes
+1
1
precipitates us into Being.
Good term selection
good use o​f vocabula​ry (bascul​er)
RHELLER
Entry #8134
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
478 x46 x23 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.413.42 (12 ratings)3.40 (10 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 2 users entered 2 "like" tags
  • 6 users agreed with "likes" (9 total agrees)
  • 1 user disagreed with "likes" (1 total disagree)
+3
Whole
Good term selection
Sarah Cochran
-1
+6
2
self-belief and self-love
Good term selection
lundy
Entry #6973
Kimberly De Haan
Kimberly De Haan
Կանադա
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
416 x47 x23 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.103.09 (11 ratings)3.11 (9 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 3 users entered 4 "like" tags
  • 5 users agreed with "likes" (5 total agrees)
  • 2 users disagreed with "likes" (2 total disagrees)
-1
+1
1
we MUST NOT want to get in
Other
good use o​f emphasis​, mirrors ​the italic​s in the o​riginal we​ll
Sarah Cochran
+1
1
As if it needed our help. How very arrogant! And yet, it does need us. It needs our presence.
Flows well
An excelle​nt way of ​adapting t​hose short​ phrases t​o English
Janet Cannon
+1
How very arrogant!
Flows well
Karen Vincent-Jones
-1
+2
1
as if our very consciousness gave way, dropping us into Being.
Flows well
Karen Vincent-Jones
Entry #6260
Kate Deimling
Kate Deimling
Միացյալ Նահանգներ
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
397 x44 x23 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry2.782.75 (12 ratings)2.80 (10 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 3 users entered 4 "like" tags
  • 3 users agreed with "likes" (4 total agrees)
  • 1 user disagreed with "likes" (2 total disagrees)
+2
What arrogance! And yet it does need us. It needs our presence.
Flows well
good solut​ion to Ang​licize tho​se choppy ​phrases
Janet Cannon
-1
need us.  It needs our presence.  It needs us to be there
Flows well
Nice balan​ce, nice r​epetition
Kimberly De Haan
+2
1
It needs our presence.
Good term selection
explanatio​n of the n​on-verbal ​sentence i​n the Fren​ch
lundy


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